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MY EARLY YEARS BEFORE THE DARKNESS CAME INTO MY LIFE My family consisted of a mom and dad, two brothers, sixteen aunts and uncles, over thirty cousins and one set of the greatest grandparents anyone could ever ask for. Growing up as a child, I remember that life was good even though I had the classic "two-brothers-always-watching-over-their-sister" syndrome. I had to arrange all my events around the fact that they would be there watching every move I made and pulling me out of anything they thought wasn't good for me. Sometimes, though, it was fun having two brothers and being the middle child because it kept me very competitive. Having boyfriends was pretty much nonexistent for me. Not only did I have to hide them from my dad, but my brothers pretty much scared the ones brave enough to give it a try away before I had to chance to get to really know them. My dad was really a strict man and did not allow me to date. Even through high school I was all the popular girls best friend, and always in the way as far as the guys were concerned. We didn’t grow up in a family that went to church, so my dad’s laws were the only laws that I knew in life. As long as things went the way he said, life was good. He also made sure we had everything we needed to keep us busy so that we would do as he wanted us to do. My mom used to always bend the rules just a little for me so that I could have some kind of social life. My first date was on my senior prom night, and that was only because my dad was working the night shift. That relationship did not last long because just like everyone else in my life, he got tried of sneaking around hiding from my father. GROWING UP COUNTRY I started out riding goats at my aunt’s house in Godley, Texas, when I was about four years old. I believe it was that thrill that got me into riding bulls later on in my teenage years. I loved my Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ann. They were the poorest people I knew and had eight kids of their own, but there was more joy in that house than any house I had ever seen besides my grandparents'. My Uncle Bobby always made sure we kids got to experience everything we could about the country way of life. When I became old enough to sit on my first horse, I started going to my aunt’s house in Joshua. They would put me on this black and white paint named Nancy. On that horse, I learned everything about riding properly and, between the ages of about six to nine, I rode her all alone in the arena every time I went to spend a weekend there. My uncle was the smartest horse person I knew. Later in life, he had even trained a horse and won the world championship in cutting on that horse in the Appaloosa Association. Around the age of nine, he told me we were going to start riding out in the hundred acres of pasture they had, but he would need to ride double with me on Nancy until I learned the land well. That was the beginning of a secret that I carried with me all the way up until I did my fourth step in Celebrate Recovery. I became more and more afraid to go to my aunt and uncle's house, but somehow I still did. I continued to let that horrible secret happen to me over and over again for years to come. The one thing I do remember that still bothers me at times is that I could never understand why my parents couldn’t see the fear on my face each time I came from out of the pasture with my uncle. They trusted him so much, and his wife was my mom's oldest and closest sister. So I just kept the secret with me, never telling anyone. Later on in my teenage years, I bought my first horse, so I never went back to those woods again. All through school, I rode horses and even became a girl bull rider when I started College. Back then, that was a really big deal where I was from. I got a lot of attention from the boy bull riders, and it felt really good to me. Not ever being allowed to date in school I went alittle wild when I started hanging with the Rodeo crowd that I went to College with. I got married to a bull rider that I met in college, and that lasted about a year and a half. It was the first real boy/girl relationship I had ever had, but it was also very scary to me. I used to spend a lot of nights hiding from Michael, and feared him every time he got even just a little bit mad at me. I remember one night he got mad at me about a cake I had made. I went out into the barn and hid in the John Deere tractor for hours and hours. I could hear him calling for me, and heard him leave and come back several times. We lived way out in the country on over thirty thousand acres, so I know I must have scared him that day. Shortly after that, I asked Michael to take me back home to my parents. Our life together as a married couple was over. We actually became good friends again, though, and kept in contact for a few years. Since men seemed to be my biggest downfall in life, I couldn’t let myself open up to them anymore once we got past the friendship stage. When I came back home after my divorce from Michael, my dad and I started to become pretty good friends, and we shared a lot of time with the horses.

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About me

  • I'm healing hoves
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  • after 20 years of emotional abuse from my family, I have finally taken the steps to comeback to God's Grace and Love. I have been in recovery at Celebrate Recovery for two and one half years. These journals I will be adding from my first book are my encounters of my first two years of recovery. I am writing a second book Healing Hooves it will be a story about my 12 year old daughter who is wheel chair bound and how she found reached to great elements of success thru horse thearpy
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