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there is victory in the Lord

FEELING INTENSE RESTORATION CLOSING THOUGHTS For so many years of my life, I could not understand why I always failed in matters of the heart. I have finally realized that, after going back and doing my personal inventory and being in recovery, I was trying to fix all the wrong things. It was when I finally reached down into those deep, darkened pits that haunted me for so many years that I truly learned what was causing those pains. Taking ownership of those pains and really working on them brought my heart back to life. I could eventually even give them to God, and ask to be forgiven. As I heal, I am finding that I no longer need all those crutches that I used for many years to medicate those pains that were damaging my heart and, later on, even my physical well-being. In the end, what I learned was that I wasn’t failing in matters of the heart all those years. It was that I just wasn’t listening to my heart at all. I was listening to those who sought to destroy me and who wanted to control the outcome of my destiny. I listen now to my heart, which is owned and operated by God and God alone. Now I am succeeding in matters of my heart one layer at a time. It is so amazing to me that, while I spent more than twenty years of my life being mad at God and even hating Him at times, He was still always there keeping up with every detail of my deepest, darkest pains. When I was ready to come back to God, He knew exactly what it was going to take to get me started on that journey. And it was going to take His greatest warriors to help show me the way. If it were not for my new friends and recovery program, I would have left a legacy of darkness with no hope for the future to the two greatest gifts in my life, my daughters. While my family has been damaged by our past life, the great thing is that out of all this I now know there will be greater tomorrows. I truly believe that my life began when that fire took all that we owned and, even though I know God had nothing to do with the fire, losing my job, my car, and all my daughters’ struggles, I do believe it was all those things that led to the complete brokenness that helped bring me to this very point in my life. I could have just dwelled on all the sadness of what was lying in the rubbles and ashes of that fire, but God wanted me to see what greatness was lying ahead in my future. Have you ever thought about the fact that flames, sparks and smoke all reach towards heaven? I believe all the impurities of my past rose in those ashes and God took them all. A good friend of mine, David D. from CR, wrote a great acronym for the word "fire," and when I think back to that time it is his words that come to mind. Those words are: Feeling Intense Restoration Eventually. Characteristics of fire are light, heat, destruction, purification and restoration. I can now see my past life with new meaning. Even though I was in the deepest darkest pits of desolation, I now stand and live in God’s light and love. I have been pronounced innocent, and what ended that life of total destruction began what has now been the greatest adventure of my life. But He knows where I am going. And when He has tested me like gold in a fire, He will pronounce me innocent. Job 23:10 You have tested us, O God; you have purified us like silver melted in a crucible. Psalms 66:10 We went through fire and flood. But you brought us to a place of great abundance. Psalms 66:12 God helps me with his Grace and Love to replace all those past pains with new feelings of hope, love, dreams and even a new family. I do not know what my final legacy will be, but I will tell you this, it will not be one of darkness left to those two wonderful girls of mine. I hope someday I can take my story and help to show others like myself how to break those chains of darkness that bind them, to defeat them from generation to generation. I would like to show them how to look at the roots of their pains and heal them from there instead of just medicating them with the many things that this world has given us to lose ourselves in. If we can all learn to see each other as God sees us, then we can get past all the stigmas that make us want to turn our backs on those we love and care about. When we do that, then we can learn to embrace those who seem so lost to the outside world and help to show them how to find a way to start their own healing process. To let them know that if they follow the road that God has laid out for them, letting God lead them each step of the way, then they can live in victory and have joy, peace and love in abundance. And nothing and nobody on earth will be able to take those things from them.

Sonja-
I replied on my blog to the comment you left me on my blog. It was one of the nicest comments I have had. I have quickly read some of your posts--but I plan on coming back when I have a bit more time. I would like to add your blog to mine--but I'm not sure which category to use--are you still trying to lose weight? Will your blog talk about weight loss etc? If so I will add you under the health blog section. If not I'm still going to add you under the blogrolling category.

I just added a new category on my blog--weight loss partners. An old co-worker--now friend of mine--joined me on the weight loss journey. We both weigh ourselves once a week and report on our blog how our weigh in went--like how many pounds down etc. Since you are on a weight loss journey as well, I could add you to the partner list--if you are interested.

Hi Sonja,
Welcome to our support group! It's small, but we're nice! I will read your blog and everything at lunch (hopefully)! We support each other and Tara is the best at it!
Welcome!!!!!!!!!!

That was so powerful! So beautiful! Your words have expressed how I feel to a tee. I am 3 years and 3 months and 2 days sober and I have just begun leadership training for Celebrate Recovery in my city. I am so excited to finally help others achieve freedom from their prisons. One day, God will open up your heart and show you the right time to help others. Your blog is a great first step. I am just overwhelmed by what you wrote and my heart is just full of joy that you were able to receive the peace and love God has to offer, as well as the strength to get through each day free!!!

We serve a loving and patient God. I am so happy for you that you have found the way.
God bless.

Sonja, thank you for visiting my blog so that I could find yours. I have just finished reading all of it, and I have been moved and blessed by all that you have said. This is beautiful and powerful, and I pray God's blessings on you as you continue on your recovery. I plan to come back and follow your progress.

Hi Sonja,

Thank you for visiting my blog and the kind comments you left. I appreciate your remarks.

I've read back over your postings and it certainly sounds like you've had a rough time. I'm glad you found a group where you fit in so well.

As to telling your story to a wider audience -- take a look at the Christian Women Online site at http://www.christianwomenonline.net/blog.html
You may want to contact Darlene Schacht, who founded the magazine; her link is on the sidebar.

I wish you joy.

Sonja, thank you for visiting my blog. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. I've had to take your entries in doses. When the tears made it too hard to see what you'd written, well then I knew it was time to move on for a bit and come back later. The words you've written are powerful and the journey you have taken and continue to take are miraculous. As one of the commentors ( I can't remember right now which one it was) have already said...We do serve a loving and patient God. And I'm thankful that you're making your way out of the darkness and into His arms.

God Bless You!

I'll definitely be back! And if you don't mind, I'm adding you to my blogroll.

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About me

  • I'm healing hoves
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  • after 20 years of emotional abuse from my family, I have finally taken the steps to comeback to God's Grace and Love. I have been in recovery at Celebrate Recovery for two and one half years. These journals I will be adding from my first book are my encounters of my first two years of recovery. I am writing a second book Healing Hooves it will be a story about my 12 year old daughter who is wheel chair bound and how she found reached to great elements of success thru horse thearpy
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