Friday, September 29, 2006

things to ask yourself

Today I received bad news. I can not say publically what this news is because it is an ongoing thing. Still every part of everything I have done for the last three years became frightened. My immeadiate fear was, the chains of darkness that I broke and replaced with new links given to me straight from God well I felt they may break, and if they break then I become broken again. Satan he is one fearce component, when He sees You at your best with God, then He attacks You the hardest. Darkness toke my earthly family away from me, along with every tool for life I had in me. God brought me a new family, each member of that family brought new tools so I could rebuild a great foundation and come back to God. Well now Satan he is attacking all of everything God has given to me. I am afraid, but I remember Fear can be dealt with if you do it in a Faithful Way with God's help. Lamentations 3:40 tells us; "examine our ways and test them, and.....return to the Lord. I have found to keep moving forward daily i must keep my daily inventories balanced. I must look at the things I did right as well as the things I did wrong. Then admit promplty and make amends when needed. A good way to keep myself balanced and going in the right direction is to ask myself these questions daily. 1 What goo did I do today? 2 In what areas did I blow it today? 3 Did I do or say anything that hurt someone today? 4 What did I learn from my actions today? 5 How many people did I make smile today? I am going to follow God, where ever He may take me I promise with everything I am I will follow. For the days to come I must give God daily time, to fuel my heart for the battle of Satan and all his lies and the things he want to steal from me. I will put WHATEVER boundaries needed with WHOMEVER needed. God give Me and My family strength to live in your ways each day, wisdom to know how to make the necessary changes needed to keep walking in those ways to make it to the next day, and the courage to know when we can not change what it is making us confused and weary, and how to apply that to going forward also with you. Sonja

psalm 98

Today's posting is a tribute to my good friend Chuck C. Chuck is our leader ar CR and he has been with me on my journery of recovery since day 1. He himself is celebrating his 18th year of recovery, and he is a true example of what living in the light of God's Grace and Love is all about. The power of sincere prayer combined with positive faith can result in enormous success even when all other efforts have failed. For where we are fully and whole-heartedly united with the will of God we find our lives suddenly brimming with bounitful blessings and our hearts, peace filled, overflowing with love. This is the way Chuck lives his life daily, and I am honored and humbled to be blessed by God to have him as a part of my christian family. This one is for you Chuck PSALM 98 1. 0 sing unto the Lord a new song; for he hath done marvelous things: his right hand, and his holy arm, hath gotten him the victory. 2. The Lord hath made known his salvation: his righteousness hath he openly showed in the sight of the heathen. 3. He hath remembered his mercy and his truth toward the house of Israel: all the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God. 4. Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise. 5. Sing unto the Lord with the harp; with the harp, and the voice of a psalm. 6. With trumpets and sound of cornet make a joyful noise before the Lord, the King. 7. Let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein. 8. Let the floods clap their hands: let the hills be joyful together 9. before the Lord; for he cometh to judge the earth: with righteousness shall he judge the world, and the people with equity.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

sonja's quote for the week

"You Cannot Conquer What You Will Not Confront"--- :"There is no growth without change and there is no change without loss and there is no loss without pain

Beating the Addiction of Eating for Self Comfort

Addiction To Me……..something that is not good for me at all, but that keeps me needing and wanting it anyway………the question is Why does it keep me needing it. That answer to me now is………..I for so many years lived in accordance to what my sinful nature taught to me which was also built into the foundation of who I was. Because of that my mind was set to my sinful nature desired. That was Food, self medicate, Food, the cure all fix for all that attacks me. Starting out at 150 pounds it was no big deal, Food was fine, and it was not drugs, booze, sex, or anything bad, just food. Then one day I looked up and there I was. 425 pounds worth of comfort all over my body. My friend Food that I thought was keeping me safe form being a druggy, or a sex crazy person, has damaged my heart, and every working organ in me, and ruined my body completely. I just forgot How to Love Myself when I got lost in all that darkness. Today 20 years later I have learned the lessons and now live according to God’s spirit and have my mind set on what God’s desires are. So I am no longer controlled by the nature’s spirit, because the spirit of God lives in Me. I am in my 7th mth after gastric bypass surgery. I now look in the mirror everyday. Three weeks ago went I went to the doctor I was 82 pounds down, and I am thinking I may be 100 now, go to the doctor next week to check. It is nice to be able to breathe again like a normal person, to walk more than 25 steps without having to sit down, to sleep lying down instead of sitting up so that I can breathe, to be able to put my own socks on……… there is so much to be thankful for. So now I have a new burst of energy. I am going to get my 6 mini meals a day back on my working diet plan. Boy I wish someone would have told me about that before surgery. Not to say I still wouldn’t have had it, because the doctors told me It was my only choice due to the extensive damage I did to myself while self medicating with the Food. Still it just makes so much sense to me. One meal, one snack, one meal, one snack, etc. It is not that hard, and dog gone it I am worth taking the time to do it right. So here I go, I am PUTTING MY STAKE IN THE SAND for this health stuff. February is right around the corner, it will be one year after surgery, and I want to be 140 down. I rode horses for the first 20 years of my life, I love the western way of Life, I have lost that for so many years, and I want it back. My girls want it back for me so they can share it with me. So me and my Friend God, are going to step it up a bit and get Sonja back on them horses and making some good memories with those two wonderful girls of mine…………..YSIC Sonja

Monday, September 25, 2006

Faith and Fear

discussion question from faith lifts: In what areas of your life is your faith weak and your heart weary? How does this scripture apply to those areas and how can you put this promise into action in your life? One of the things that use to really confuse my about my recovery is when people thinking they were helping me would come to me and say. Sonja you can not be afraid, Fear and Faith have no place with each other. You cannot Love and Trust God and have Fear still in your heart. Let me tell you, for someone who is just stepping in recovery, that knows now that they absolutely Love the Lord, but still struggles because not all the darkness has left them. Well hearing things like that from people can really confuse an already tender and shaky heart and mind. Just think about it a heart in recovery, well it has just been broken completely. Ripped in every direction it really needs to be in order to repair properly. So it is like a new born babies heart, tender and soft, and vuneralbe for remolding and building a new foundation. That right there is a scary thing for anyone. So fear in my opinion is just a factor in all the new emotions that will be coming to that new heart as it travels down the road to recovery. I am not saying a good emotion given to us by God, more of an human emotion given to us by those in this world oppressed from God. As I am learning thru reading the bible for the first time. I just got to say really quick on that subject, Wow, I did not know there were so many amazing stories. I am reading back and forth from 2 Chronicles, and Isaiah. There were Kings who gave it all to God, still had there scary moments. Kings who lead in horror worshiping idols, killing sons, doing witchcraft, you know they had almost 24/7 in scary moments. So this is what I am seeing now for the first time it is becoming clear to me. Faith may be choosing like me to believe God even when your heart and soul is being overwhelmed with Fear. So perhaps Faith is tested by; What We do with Fear, and not whether or not we have it. Titles of People and even there own heritage means nothing if the King of their Hearts desire is not God. That is why I felt like nothing for so many years. Because my own parents were oppressed from God, made us think of them for our King, and to worship and obey only them , instead of what our own young hearts desires were wanting, God himself. Don't get me wrong we need our parents, we need to be loved by them, but it is their responsibility to mold us in God's image not theirs. Satan can not force us to go where he leads, we have to freely choose to go their. When we do that as parents we not only show God how we live in the face of fear, but we also show our children the paths to Satan not to God. So while I do get less fearful each day, when fear does come to me now I will not let Fear say I am a defeated Child of God, I will just say God I am going to show You how I now will deal with this Fear creature, it is by your wisdoms, and you spirit in me that I will deal with Fear now, and only that way.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

faith lifts message to me

THIS PICTURE IS CALLED HEAVEN'S GATE, THIS ONE IS FOR YOU MY FRIEND SAM i received this e-mail from heather at faith lifts today. I am exteremly honored to have my writing on faith lifts. here is her e-mail you can go to my links and hit faith lifts and get to the site thanks sonja Sonja,I hope you get this tonight:) We are going to use this as a guest entry for Sunday (tomorrow). It will be up at midnight tonight and will remain up until midnight tomorrow .... so if you want to direct your readers to faithlifts to read it, that would be great! Thank you for submitting it! Sorry it is so abrupt, we had an emergency opening and I thought yours would fit perfectly!Heather

I have an amazing story to tell today, actually a true miracle sent from God himself. My friend and sister from CR has been living and fighting self-hatred for many years, and Satan well he had a grip on her she just could not let go of. Don't get me wrong, she tries, and tries, then gives up and comes back and tries again. This has been her battle for many many months. Friday night Sept. 22nd, God presented himself to her in a might big way, a miracle, and he blessed many to see and be a part of it. It was amazing for her, and life changing. She wrote a story that is quite a story to read. I encourage anyone reading this to go and read her blog, bookmark her blog, because I am here to tell you as her sister, her friend, her recovery buddy she and God are fixen to start one amazing journey of recovery, and I am humble to be able to share that journey with her. I love you my sister. Remember what I say. It is not by Your Power, Your Might, but only by the Spirit of the Lord that you will have victory. He planted the seed Friday night deep within your soul, he showed Satan that it is YOUR time my sister, YOUR time. Live may not have been so beautiful for you, but I am telling you Life is fixen to become one beautiful ride.................Go With God My Friend Sonja

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Where The Spirit Of The Lord Is THERE IS FREEDOM

When oppressed, We the children of God have a tendency to prepare shelters for ourselves rather than do what Freedom and Liberty demands. Those shelters can easily turn into strong holds, which turns into a destructive nature that Satan feeds upon, and we often have little defense to protect ourselves from that. It is not by Power, nor by Might, but only by the Spirit of the Lord that We can be Victorious. When I read that it brought something to the surface inside of me that I have never given thought to before. These last three years while in recovery my heart still always had a feeling inside of it that I was not letting God have completely. I never could quite understand why this pulled so deep at my heart. I have become so strong in so many ways these last three years. Still as a mother I have always felt like there was something missing for my girls, something from me that I am still failing at with them. When I look at them I know they feel physically safe, but still there was something missing in our home. I have been thinking that it is the fact that to this day I still can not provide financially all the things I believe they should have. They still have to do without so many of the simple things in life. As I was listening to Beth Moore talk tonight about Finding Freedom, I thought about how my parents who ruined the foundations of their own children "should have held our hearts with tenderness and filled them with God Grace and Love". While they did give us shelter, and we always had everything financially that we wanted, I can remember still always feeling insecure and scared when it came to the matter of my own heart. I never heard the word Love in our house, I never saw my dad embrace my mom, or for that matter my parents embrace any of us kids. Though they did make sure that as long as we played by their rules we had plenty to play with. I know now that my very own parents allowed themselves to be oppressed from God, and while they did give us all the things they thought we needed to be safe, they were also putting up shelters against our hearts because they left out the spiritual part of molding those young tender hearts, those shelters they built became my strong holds on my own heart, and that always made me feel unsafe and sacred when I had to face anything concerning my own life building process. That made me realize what it is that I am missing in my own house with my girls. I have worked hard for me these last three years, and I do have a safe place where I am rebuilding the parts of my heart that need to be rebuilt with God. That is what I also need to be doing with my girls. While I do want to gain success and grow financially for them, more importantly I now see, I must help them to learn how to come to God to grow the spirit on Him in their young hearts. With that they can face anything and be victorious.

road map for success

Having a road map for success in my daily life and journey of recovery and discovery. Living in Darkness for so many years erases any kind of direction I had for moving forward and gaining success in Life. While I know God is the answer to all things. I do believe He also wants us to have goals to help us while he is taking us on our journey of discovery. When I first started three years ago on my journey I wrote these principles down in my journal to help give me a road map or sort to get started with God. I found them last night and thought I would share them. So here are some very good principles to apply to your daily life in all you do and say to help you stay in a forward moving direction. Envision Growth By applying these principle to your daily life and recovery process for those who are in recovery you are ensuring that you are prepared and well positioned for a successful life. Demonstrate Integrity Communicate honestly, demonstrating respect for others. Make clear commitments. Make promises cautiously, promising only what you will deliver. Behaves honorably, whether or not someone is watching. Treat everyone equally regardless of position and influence. Accept responsibility Be a Positive Influence Communicating with courtesy, demonstrating respect for others. Recognizing and rewarding the contributions of others. Recognizing and appreciating the value of diversity. Measure Everything Recognize that accurate measurements are necessary positive change Be accountable for those measurements Recognize that clearly stating expectations and accurately following through with those goals are critical in demonstrating individual success Know The Details Seek accuracy in all things you do. Ask questions when you don’t understand. Keep asking until you fully understand. Be a keen observer. Demonstrate a personal commitment to learning and to upgrading your new skills

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

let God help You

DISCUSSION: Have you ever let your emotions and your worry so overtake you that you forgot to slow down and let God help you? I do believe it was all those things that led to the complete brokenness 3 years ago on the day I choose to take my life are the things that helped bring me to this very point in my life. When my house burned down, I lost my job, my car broke completly, and my child had her 15th surgery at the age of 10 I did give up on life did not know God to let him help me but he helped me anyway. I could have just dwelled on all the sadness of what was lying in the rubbles and ashes of that fire, but God wanted me to see what greatness was lying ahead in my future. Have you ever thought about the fact that flames, sparks and smoke all reach towards heaven? I believe all the impurities of my past rose in those ashes and God took them all. A good friend of mine, David D. from CR, wrote a great acronym for the word "fire," and when I think back to that time it is his words that come to mind. Those words are: Feeling Intense Restoration Eventually. Characteristics of fire are light, heat, destruction, purification and restoration. I can now see my past life with new meaning. Even though I was in the deepest darkest pits of desolation, I now stand and live in God’s light and love. I have been pronounced innocent, and what ended that life of total destruction began what has now been the greatest adventure of my life. But He knows where I am going. And when He has tested me like gold in a fire, He will pronounce me innocent. Job 23:10 You have tested us, O God; you have purified us like silver melted in a crucible. Psalms 66:10 We went through fire and flood. But you brought us to a place of great abundance. Psalms 66:12 God helped me with his Grace and Love to replace all those past pains with new feelings of hope, love, dreams and even a new family.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I Believe

This picture reminds me of how i feel today. the brown ball is society, and the red filling inside the ball is society telling me I can not have all the things society says i need to have in order to excits by their standards,,,,,,,,,,,the beaming lights all around society is God's protection for me telling me if you have Faith in me then I will show You the way to take care of your NEEDS. Faith Lifts Topic for Today Discussion:How is God calling you to be faithful in the “simple things”? In what way can you apply this today? As I am approaching my third year of recovery back to God, I am starting to want to acheive in areas I have never had to courage to excel in before. While living in darkness I gave up on all things, and when I did that the World told me because YOU have stopped living withing the standard of what Society says you have to do in order for Society to give back to You We(society) are going to have a abandon You. So at the very end of my darkness I had no home, no job, no hopes, and could not get anyone to help me with anything.Today as I am getting stonger I still have no home, no creditablity according to society, but I do have all kinds of Hopes and Dreams now for my families future, and desires to acheive in my job to higher levels than I have ever dared to go.So while I am struggling, and these 400 dollar electric bills, and high gas prices try to tear me down from ever getting any kind of good playing field at all with my stability, I now still see Hope for the future. I have no choice but the trust God, and give ALL my Faith to him, because the only alternative is to go back to darkness, and let Society win over God. No, No, No, I will have Victory, Victory with the Lord.I do Believe in the Simple Things, I do Believe in Love Of God, and I do Believe Society can be proved wrong, I just go to let God help me show them that……………..Sonja

Monday, September 18, 2006

putting my faith in action to change the road my children will get to walk on

Davids faith was active. He picked up the stone and placed it in his slingshot and swung it. It took a physical act to put his faith into practice. Discussion:How can you physically put your faith in action today? In what circumstance in your life is God calling for you to step out, pick up that stone, and follow Him? How does the above quote impact your struggles in this area? My story is one of family dysfunction at its finest. Those family dynamics caused tremendous pain for me, which brought both physical and emotional damage to me, and my own children. What I have learned in recovery is that; there ARE reasons why families follow the same destructive behavioral patterns and pass them down from generation to generation. I was taught those dynamics as a child and also as a young adult. That the beliefs put inside of me to destroy me Could be changed. Now I will say it was a painful thing to uncover, even more painful to accept, and extremely hard to change. But I knew this was the only way to Break the Chains of my darkness to give me and the ones I love total freedom. No matter how hard and painful this recovery process was going to be I knew I had to do it because How was I going to be able to love and be there for anyone else in the world when I could not even love or be their for my own self. I had to do this to show God how humbled I was that he did not think of me as that horrible person I was told by my parents that He thought I was. So I put all my Faith in God that he would bring to me all the tools and warriors I need to break those chains. I also knew that by showing my children I could fight the battles of my darkness by depending on God that they too could have a chance in this world for a brighter future. They had already missed their childhoods, and could never get that back. They also had a mother that in the past was scared to show any kind of emotional or physical love to them for fear that they would be destroyed by God for having my sinful love in them. Just like me they knew nothing about Godly things. The only Truth they knew is the Truth I showed them, and that was the Lies my parents taught me. For my children the cost of my damage was just too high for me not to make those necessary changes that I now know I must make, and give God all my Faith so that I can do just that. While I can not go back and do anything about this horrible past that I had to go thru and my children had to live thru me. Thank Goodness I can change what tomorrow will bring for me and those two wonderful girls of mine. What a perfect Legacy to give to those girls. To Break the Chains of Darkness given to Us so that they and their own children can now travel down a road of hopes and dreams of brighter tomorrows. That way when it is Time for them to walk in My shoes with the children they may be blessed to have they can give all of their hearts to them, and Love them they way they need to be Loved, and even be Loved Themselves the way they deserve to be Loved. My recovery Has given me my Purpose so that I can show those girls they too are people of Value, created by God himself, and do not have to live a life of hopelessness and dark circumstances anymore.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Helping hands

This picture reminds me of how my heart felt when I knew God was really calling to me saying IT IS TIME to start your journey of recovery. While darkness still ruled in my heart, God had left many beams of light thru warriors he sent to me so that when it was time they could form a brilliant beam warming the way for me to start my Journey Of Recovery Today's post is just a simple request. I have a friend, actually I am her official buddy at Celebrate Recovery. Even though I can not break confidentially by telling you her story, I can however ask you to join in conversations with her on her new blog she just started. Like mine is it simple in style, but very expressive in her messages from her heart. Please fellowship with her, and support her, as I feel God is calling her to really start the Big Stuff in her journey of recovery. YSIC Sonja Brooks here is her blog

Saturday, September 16, 2006

getting back to church

tomorrow I am going to United Methodist Church for the first time. It has a whole program for special needs children, and I do have a special needs child with Spina Bifida. I am scared but even more excited to go. YSIC Sonja

Friday, September 15, 2006

breaking free

Just got back from CR recovery and I am feeling pretty inspired. It was testominy night. My best friend ask me to do a Beth Moore study with her called breaking free, we are getting the work books tomorrow and starting next week. I am exicted. It is about making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life. Tomorrow I go to the horse lot and get to play with the baby goat, chickens, and two colts. I love going out there and just doing nothing. I took pictures and will post some soon as the get developed. Have a Great Weekend................YSIC Sonja

My Layers Of Heaven

Looking at these pictures it makes me think of all God's layers of heaven that He gives to Me. I know that may sound beyond what is reality because we think of Heaven as the Realm Of The All Mighty, that is the Heaven to us that is above and beyond everything that is familiar to us now, and where we desire to make our HOME when we go to Glory. With me it is like someone who is seeing God and all his gifts bestowed to me thru the eyes of a newborn babe, I see different layers of Heaven. I see the Atmospheric Heaven, and God's little pieces of perfectly created touches here on our very earth. At the age of 49 I took my first plane ride, and flew in the midst of beautiful majestic fluffy white clouds. I had this amazing feeling of just wonder in me. At that time I did not know God because I had not yet started my journey of recovery, but now I know that was a inner spiritual feeling of just awe and wonder that God was letting me have while still living, a little piece of what His Heaven would make me feel like. God knows I have this love of wide open spaces, and when he lets me see moments of acres of beautiful undeveloped land covered with pure white clean snow. I get a feeling of complete peace and solitude, and total comfort. Those too were feelings stolen from me for so many years of my life that God lets me feel now thru the beautiful things he has created that hold tenderness in my heart, his little pieces of heaven right here on my earth. Then there is the World OF The Planets Heaven for me..........I have a young daughter that loves science and every chance we can get we try to go and study things beyond the universe. While all the scientist have an answer that seems to go in the opposite direction of God, Jesse and I we know that when we see amazing things like Beaming Flames Thur the Night Skies going up to the infinite skies and beyone. We know that these are picturesque moments given just to us. God letting us enjoy more of his amazing creations Beyond the Universe. I love the fact that I was absolutely able to give all my past hurts, and hang-ups to God and just let them go. It lets me see life and people in a new light. A light that is God's creation also. It makes tomorrows exciting now, and knowing someday I get to live in a place that is amazing beyond comprehension of Total Perfection of His Great Works gives me peace about being here in a world that for so many years tried to make me believe this wonderful amazing God hated and wanted to destroy me. I love knowing these are the kind of thoughts that my heart holds dear now...............Sonja

free blog design

Autumn is my favorite time of the year, and it's just right around the corner. To celebrate the beginning of the season, I'm having a contest for 2 lucky people to win a totally free, completely customized blog design from Bluebird Blogs. Information on how to enter: - Send an email with your name and blog address to - Your name will be entered into the drawing. - Entries will be accepted from 7:00pm EST on Thursday 9/15/06 until 11:59pm EST on Friday 9/22/06. *Bonus* - Mention this contest in a post on your blog and receive 5 extra entries into the drawing! The winner will be announced on on the morning of Saturday, September 23rd, 2006 . Good luck to everyone! Thanks so much,

Thursday, September 14, 2006

God's Glory Is Above All Things

When I finally learned in my past life that my human persecutors in that life were stronger than me, and there was no hope. I knew failure would my only end result because I had become to overwhelmed. There was not one person in the world as I knew it then that understood and cared for my soul. So I cried out unknowing to me it was to God, the highest of Priest the one who knows who does understand. He answered me. I now know there is no refuge in this land of living on earth without the Hand of God to guide You. God's Glory is Above All things of this earth and now my trust and soul trust in My Lord. Psalms 142 1. I cried unto the Lord with my voice; with my voice unto the Lord did I make my supplication. 2. I poured out my complaint before him; I showed before him my trouble. 3. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. In the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me. 4. I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul. 5. I cried unto thee, 0 Lord: I said. Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living. 6. Attend unto my cry; for I am brought very low: deliver me from my persecutors; for they are stronger than I. 7. Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

giving my doubts to God

I am giving my self doubt and feeling of unworthiness to God more and more each day. In the past before recovery it was always Sonja deserves all the horrible ugliness in life because she is sinfull and shameless as my parents told me for so many years of my life. Today as each new piece of God's Grace and Light comes to my heart I say Sonja is deserving of goodness in Life. While my life is still very hard and my material wealth is really no more than it was while I was in darkness I know that as long as I keep going in a forward direction with God and keep trusting in him there will be brighter tomorrows for me. They just come in different ways now. I even look forward to tomorrows now. I do want to find that purpose that God intended for me when He created me and let that be what my character stands for. That is amazing to me to just be able to write that and then read it knowing Sonja Brooks holds that truth in her heart. Jesus......said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life' " (John8:12) "Then you will know the TRUTH, the the TRUTH will set you free." There is a saying I love and it goes. "Blessed is the man who preserveres under trial, for he stood the test of time and received the crown of life that God promises to those who love Him. I will continue to work hard in my recovery because I do Love God dearly and want to receive God's crown of life..................YSIC Sonja Brooks

What is the purpose of Life.

This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, "Purpose Driven Life" author, and pastor of Saddleback Church in California. In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said: People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body--but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal of God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness. This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good for which you can thank God. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others. We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72. First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation. Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free. We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)? When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings. Happy moments, PRAISE GOD. Difficult moments, SEEK GOD. Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD. Painful moments, TRUST GOD. Every moment, THANK GOD.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

wordless wednesday

Finding a way to have a voice when anger tries to shut you down

Well I have to say this has been a trying day for me. As most know I am going to a recovery program called Celebrate Recovery, and I am always inspired to write after my Friday night experiences. Today I got an e-mail by mistake from a woman telling one of our leaders she is tired of the non-sense e-mails she gets forcing others opinions and expressions on her. All my post I have added to my blog and all are inspired by God's teachings, but I guess to some who are just angry and bitter they may be blanket opinionated statements. In my past life I would have let someone like this person shut me down, and just quit completely. While I will refrain from sending future CRA e-mails to respect my very wonderful leader I am however happy God gave me the strength to start this blog so I can write when my heart calls upon me to do so. In closing I will just take this statement as for what it is...........a statement from someone who is far away from God, and is not ready to hear his teachings from others on the journey of recovery. I will continue because my Love for God is far more stronger and important than the ramblings of any bitter angry person. I will pray for this person however because like me she is a child of God, she just doesn't realize how to behave like one yet. It will come someday and I will have patientance for her and her journey just as so many have had patinetance for mine. YSIC Sonja Brooks

Monday, September 11, 2006

God's Healing Rains

“We cannot go back and make a new start, but we can start now to make a new ending.” In recovery they teach us not to dwell on the pains of the past but to concentrate on the Hopes of tomorrow. I have watch a few stories on TV of how one family has come together with another after 911, I have gained strength myself from listening to their stories of battles fought from that tradegy and the wisdoms they have all learned. So many familes now have this unbreakable chain that they have formed with one another. If they see someone starting to fall, they take that chain, circle it around each other and help to hold themselves up till they can stand on their own once again. What I learned from that is while we do know that we cannot save one another, only God can do that, but we can however unite together to support each other unconditionally. I am sure that this very day those familes I saw stories about stand hand-in-hand in that circle with people from all different walks of life. These people now trust each other to be a link in that chain that now binds them all together, and that to me is an amazing thing. I love this reading from the bible:

If any man is thirsty let him come to me and drink. He who believes in Me as the scripture said,"from his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water" John 7:37:38

I believe these same waters are God's Healing Waters, that he allows to Rain On Us In Our Times Of Needs. YSIC Sonja Link to faithlifts

Sunday, September 10, 2006

My Prayer For Today I Pray God that when I meet a mother weeping with darkness in her heart and emptiness in her eyes, That I take the time stay by her side and tell her about you God, and that there is Healing in her cries. I pray God that when I meet a child that has had to travel down the road of darkness that was left by those that child loves, That I take the time to stay by that childs side and let her receive God's perfect fingerprints given to me through my gentle loving hugs. I pray God when my heart speaks to me with Godly wisdoms from all the lessons learned these past two years That I can rise above my fears of worldy perceptions of me, and tell those lost souls that I meet traveling in this world today without hope, that there is an amazing God who really cares. To let them know God that You have a created a masterpiece, and they are a part of that painting too perfectly created by You. This is my prayer I give to you today My Father, My Friend Sonja Brooks

Friday, September 08, 2006

In what ways have you experienced God's GRACE in your recovery.

To answer this I must circle back to 20 years ago when darkness ruled my life and 2 and one half years ago when I reached the very rock bottom of my days of living in the will of my demons. These were the fears that Satan put in my heart and soul by those who sought to destroy me. Fears in order from strongest to weakest. 1 Being told by my parents I was an unworthy sinful piece of garbage, and everything I created or touch would be destined for failure. 2 Being afraid to embrace my two daughters for fear God would destroy them because he hated me so much as my parents taught me. 3 Fear of the world because it told me while I lived in darkness I was not worthy of having its worldly possessions. 4 Total self destruction because I believed as long as I was destroying my own self God would leave my two girls alone and not destroy them anymore than he already has. Now come back to the beginning of my recovery on that same day of the final day that Satan wanted to finish his work with me. God He Is Amazing. He knew I was a simple woman who knew nothing about all things Godly. So while I was developing all these great big fears that I let build my foundation of doom and darkness, God said it is time to tear that foundation down and build His House Of Light, Hope, and Faith. He did that by keeping up with every horrible detail of each one of those fears I had, and He knew the exact order that his gifts of Grace must come to me in order for me to Heal. God's Gift Of Grace To Sonja 1 Of course He Knew this had to be the strongest of all his gifts to come first on that most important day that would change my life, but at the same time it had to be done in the most simple and delicate way so I would not take that final jump into the the final death of darkness. So God brought me Jan, who simply Held out her Hand to Me with God's perfect fingerprints all over them never once expecting anything in return. To this day almost three years later she still sits by my side just offering God's Grace that He Has on Her just for me Sonja. That to me is an amazing thing. 2 Giving me the tools I need like courage, preservance to endure the hard truths of my own failures and forgive myself, hope so that I can go to my daughters and ask to be forgiven so that we could heal and I could embrace them the way they deserve to be embraced. 3 Teaching me to know that it is the Heart of a Person that determines their Wealth rather than the Look of a Person that the world seems to think it should be. To this day I have no more worldly possessions than I did 20 years ago, but because I have God's Grace and Love I am learning to live in this world that still wants to deem me not worthy of its material wealth daily. 4. Letting me be able to look in the mirror and see that I am a child of God. Perfectly created by those same fingerprints that he put on all those wonderful people he has sent to me to teach me his great wisdoms. 5. A Safe Place "Celebrate Recovery" that I know I can go to and tell my deepest darkest hurts and pains and know his warriors are there to be my guardians of my recovery, and they unconditionally accept me daily as their equals. These are my gifts of God's Grace, given to me in the most perfect order at the exact times in my life that I needed to have them to find my way to Him. He is an Amazing God, and I am glad he is My Father and My Friend.................YSIC Sonja

getting back to my safe place

MY name is Sonja I am a new Christian that has been in recovery for two and one half years…….leaving a 20 year life of total darkness and despair behind me. About three months ago I said yippee I am cured God is good, and I said I did not need any more of God’s 12 steps and 8 principles written in His Bible anymore, just be happy and love God and all will be well. Well after about three months of spiritial starvation I began to feel weak and sad and even seeing old tapes of satan’s darkness trying to come and retape God’s new tapes of his wisdoms from the very hard lessons I had to learn. Thank goodness for my Christian family, they picked me up and said "Sonja" what makes you think you know more than God, "He" says the journey is never ending and you must always walk in his way’s……… here I am trying to find my way back to my safe place to work on my ongoing recovery and getting fed that good old spiritial food again………I am so grateful for God who has never forsaken me even in my weakness of this new journey of mine… tonight is Friday night our CR meeting night and I am sitting here at work fighting those tapes telling me I have all these excuses not to go........wanting despertly for my best friend Jan to call me and tell me Sonja I will be there to pick you up at I ask all to pray for me today if you read this....I do have the strength to go I believe and will fight these old feelings trying to keep me away……..ysic sonja brooks

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Learning To Emrace God New Creations In You

Well here goes yes I know doubt and fear have no place for God creations, but sometimes those old tapes still try to come back in and erase all these new recording and this is what they are messing with me with now. For so many years of my life I have perceived myself as someone with no value, unworthy of even the smallest of attention from anyone including my own two beautiful daughters. I even let myself go from a 150 pound woman full of spunk to a 425 pound woman who wanted to the whole to leave her alone. After being in recovery for two years, dealing with the matters of the heart, and getting enough courage(one of the many gifts God gave me) to deal with the physical damage that I did to myself I am starting to see the Sonja from years gone by come back again. Only this Sonja has something even better, the gift of God’s Grace and Love. Still when people look into my eyes now and tell me how they are starting to see this new wonderful person, I feel fear come to me again. I think it is because with growth you have to learn to accept change and trust the future and those who are brought to you in that process. While I do have two people in my life other than my two beautiful daughters that I do feel that way about no doubt at all. It is all the others of this world that bring this feeling of fear to me. Fear that I am going to get trampled on the ground again, fear that when they get to know how minimal my life positions are they will deem me not worthy again. Of course there is the big one, fear that I will fall in love and be thrown away like all those in my past life did and then I will go straight back into darkness. Now I know I have forgiven all those of my past, but with that forgiveness I also put up the proper boundaries that I believe God wanted me to so that I will be protected. So my question is with all this new change in my life, do I have a constant stream of new boundaries with each change to protect me and only allow so much to come to me. Or do I just totally trust this wonderful God of mine that I have given all of the darkness to. It is confusing to me at times because I want to be a leader among those walking in darkness, but I have not been out of darkness long myself, and just am not sure how to make this new life of mine fit so that this Free Will stuff does not bring new darkness back in. Do not get me wrong I love where I am at, and I do Love My Father and Friend God with all my heart. It is just I am trying very hard to believe that a world that has told me for the last 20 years that I have not conducted my life well enough to have things like a home, car, and other things that we need to live with the world that I can deal now and stay in this wonderful state of mine and heart that God and I have been working so hard for. YSIC Sonja Brooks

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

fighting the battle of forgiveness

This week my recovery is focusing on forgiveness. In the beginning of my recovery while I did believe I could be forgiven I still absolutely knew that there were some things I had done that not even God could forgive me for. Forgiving myself has been the biggest battle of all to fight. Being like that kept me stuck for many many months not being able to move even one step forward in my journey of recovery. As I learned about God, and was taught that he does forgive us for all things in our past, I would let those dark burning coals go out one by one, but still there were those few really bad hot burning coals I kept way down deep in my soul, and when it came to God well I kept him there with them fearing it would be too much for him to handle. Then a very wise man said this to me. Sonja if God has forgiven you for everything what makes you think you know better than God himself? Through adversity I have grown and eventually I did gain freedom by giving those last few dark burning coal to God when I took him out of that pit they were in. It was a long hard lesson learning forgiveness, but a battle well worth fighting………….ysic Sonja Brooks

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

tuesday sept 5th

I have finally posted all the jouranls of my life for the past 20 years. So now that all who have read my testominy really know me I feel safe now to start with the new current me, Sonja a newly born again christian who is celebrating two and a half years in recovery back to God's Grace and Love. Oh yea and by the way I just finished my second book healing hooves, and just soon as the editing is done I will send it off for publishing. So today I will start with a fun little reading I found on another blog. Here goes. Meme questions from bloggy land 1. If you make sweet tea, do you use Luzianne, Lipton, or tell what ever your brand is. I stay with the tradition my wonderful grandmother passed down to me, Lipton, cooked on top of the stove, steeped for another hour before preparing. There is nothing better than that first glass of Lipton tea fresh from brewing, and it also takes me back to many wonderful memories of my grandmother, who was called to Glory many years ago. 2. What brand of toilet paper do you use? Angel soft, anything more about this question, it just TMI!!!!!!!!!!! 3. Which brand of bath soap do you use? Is it body wash or bar soap? I love bottle soaps from bath and body and avon, my two favorites, warm vanilla sugar, and then from avon, vanilla tea. 4. Which cereal do you buy for yourself? I just had gastric bypass in Feb of this year, so cereal is out for me right now, but I love kellogs frosted flakes, with a big bananna cutt up in it. 5. What brand of dishwasher detergent do you use? Is it liquid or tablets? I guess this is where I am a little quirky, I wash dishes with good old fashion liquid detergent do not rinse, put it in the diswasher, and then just let it finish, I manily just used the diswasher to heat dry. Man that is weird now that I actually read this. 6. What is your favorite fruit to eat? Since my bypass surgery hot food makes me sick, so cold fruits well that is a little bit of heaven for me, watermelon, cantalope, apples, and peaches, although it has been hard to find some good peaches these days........sonja 7.Which brand of laundry detergent do you use? I am a single mom in the lower chain of the finacial class so it is what is the cheapest at the dollar store, when I can afford it I like Gain. 8.Do you like chocolate? No, never really cared that much for chocolate, but now cheesecake that is another story, that has been my hardest thing since my surgery, giving up cheesecake. I just love me some good ole cheesecake, jack in the box has the best for a quick fix. 9. Are you right handed or left handed? Right handed 10. Do you still write checks or use a debit card? In my past life while living in darkness I did not do so well with having checks, so now the newly God loving me who knows she is worthy of greatness, knows to stay away from things that played big roles in my dark years, so I am strictly a debit card girl, no checks, no credit cards, just what I have week to week, and that is all I need. So there you go a little sneak peak into Sonja, have a great day

About me

  • I'm healing hoves
  • From
  • after 20 years of emotional abuse from my family, I have finally taken the steps to comeback to God's Grace and Love. I have been in recovery at Celebrate Recovery for two and one half years. These journals I will be adding from my first book are my encounters of my first two years of recovery. I am writing a second book Healing Hooves it will be a story about my 12 year old daughter who is wheel chair bound and how she found reached to great elements of success thru horse thearpy
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