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Learning To Emrace God New Creations In You

Well here goes yes I know doubt and fear have no place for God creations, but sometimes those old tapes still try to come back in and erase all these new recording and this is what they are messing with me with now. For so many years of my life I have perceived myself as someone with no value, unworthy of even the smallest of attention from anyone including my own two beautiful daughters. I even let myself go from a 150 pound woman full of spunk to a 425 pound woman who wanted to the whole to leave her alone. After being in recovery for two years, dealing with the matters of the heart, and getting enough courage(one of the many gifts God gave me) to deal with the physical damage that I did to myself I am starting to see the Sonja from years gone by come back again. Only this Sonja has something even better, the gift of God’s Grace and Love. Still when people look into my eyes now and tell me how they are starting to see this new wonderful person, I feel fear come to me again. I think it is because with growth you have to learn to accept change and trust the future and those who are brought to you in that process. While I do have two people in my life other than my two beautiful daughters that I do feel that way about no doubt at all. It is all the others of this world that bring this feeling of fear to me. Fear that I am going to get trampled on the ground again, fear that when they get to know how minimal my life positions are they will deem me not worthy again. Of course there is the big one, fear that I will fall in love and be thrown away like all those in my past life did and then I will go straight back into darkness. Now I know I have forgiven all those of my past, but with that forgiveness I also put up the proper boundaries that I believe God wanted me to so that I will be protected. So my question is with all this new change in my life, do I have a constant stream of new boundaries with each change to protect me and only allow so much to come to me. Or do I just totally trust this wonderful God of mine that I have given all of the darkness to. It is confusing to me at times because I want to be a leader among those walking in darkness, but I have not been out of darkness long myself, and just am not sure how to make this new life of mine fit so that this Free Will stuff does not bring new darkness back in. Do not get me wrong I love where I am at, and I do Love My Father and Friend God with all my heart. It is just I am trying very hard to believe that a world that has told me for the last 20 years that I have not conducted my life well enough to have things like a home, car, and other things that we need to live with the world that I can deal now and stay in this wonderful state of mine and heart that God and I have been working so hard for. YSIC Sonja Brooks

Sonja, I've just discovered your blog from the comment that you left on my Blog of the Week post!

When I have more time, I want to go back and read some of your previous entries. What I've read so far is inspiring! Keep it up!

As for my blog design, Susie did a fantastic job, didn't she?! :) I know she'll do a great job for you to. Do me a favor, leave me a comment on my blog, letting me know when your blog design is done so I can remember to stop over and take a look.

The pictures on my blog were taken by my husband during our Ireland wedding & honeymoon.

Thanks again for your comment. I hope to see more of you on my blog. :)

The key for me is being in a church, fellowshiping with other believers and growing. We have to be fed, that keeps Satan at bay.
Good post!

Yep we are friends forever, that will probably be the only thing that will keep us each honest. We are definately both something else.

What a powerful testimony you have Sonja. I am sending you prayers and {{{hugs}}} How brave and strong you are to have survived what you have come through and come out to the other side ready to share so honestly what you have endured and what God has done. I am sure many will be touched and blessed by you and your life.

I am honored to "know" you!

I am here from Faith Lifts - Thank you for your words at my post today :)

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About me

  • I'm healing hoves
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  • after 20 years of emotional abuse from my family, I have finally taken the steps to comeback to God's Grace and Love. I have been in recovery at Celebrate Recovery for two and one half years. These journals I will be adding from my first book are my encounters of my first two years of recovery. I am writing a second book Healing Hooves it will be a story about my 12 year old daughter who is wheel chair bound and how she found reached to great elements of success thru horse thearpy
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